A Wedding, an Illness and a New Year

A Wedding, an Illness and a New Year

For the most part my life is here relatively calm and predictable. I live in a safe place, to calm my family’s fears; I have good friends and get healthy food. Yet, when something happens, everything happens.

When Gunthia (the first one) was still my teacher I would tease her about dating Noun, Charles’s host brother. I’d see them sitting together sharing fruit shakes, riding along the waterfront, or hanging out all the time at church. She would always deny it with a radiant smile of infatuation. Secretly they were dating; it wasn’t until they had their engagement party last August that they weren’t shy about being recognized together in public.

Needless to say, I was rather excited when I heard their wedding was to be at the end of December. During ‘language lessons,’ Gunthia would tell me about her Buddhist family, her desire to attend university and her faith. Her parents thought educating girls was a waste of time and money along with her Christian faith. However, Gunthia was determined to gain whatever knowledge she could by becoming a teacher and to strengthen her faith by marrying a Christian man. Noun’s parents aren’t Christian but rather atheist with a Buddhist grandmother. I knew Gunthia would give her children the opportunities she wasn’t allowed.

December was a busy month for me. After returning in November I had some work to catch up on and, of course, that meant travel. I wasn’t in PV every Sunday to go to church so I didn’t see as much of Gunthia as I normally would. However, the Christmas service was interesting and I saw Gunthia briefly afterwards. No wedding invitation. I went to Phnom Penh the week of Christmas and then Kompong Ch’nang. I came back December 28. Still no wedding invitation. Um. Perhaps Gunthia is secretly mad at me. Maybe she’ll stop by this afternoon. Nope. No wedding invitation.

The morning of the 29th I had scheduled to meet Bunrey at the NILH office in Kompong Trabek, a 1.5 to 2 hour moto ride to the southeastern part of the province. When I arrived at the office I heard the wedding music as Gunthia’s house is only one block from the office. Shortly after I arrived Watana stopped by to give me a wedding invitation! To his wedding on January 3. Wrong wedding invitation.

I went to Kompong Trabek (riding the 250cc!), came back around 1 grabbed a quick bite to eat at the guiteav restaurant and went back to work at 2. My stomach was upset by 4 and I went home at 5. After lying in my hammock for forty five minutes I decided I should find some dinner. Checking my phone first I realized I missed a call from Barb and had a text saying “Hi, we are at the wedding and the bride is asking for you. Can you come?” I replied I hadn’t been invited. After a quick attempt to call Barb and talk over the booming music Barb just texted me saying she was sending Charles after me to be ready. But Charles had also been sick earlier that day. Why in the world was Charles out riding his bike to get me? Frantically after 10 minutes Charles and I were on bikes to the wedding. Khmer weddings always have the wedding party and parents waiting outside to greet guests. As I walked up Gunthia ran to meet me apologizing that she had been busy and took my invitation to my house, but I wasn’t there, so she left it with the people downstairs. No worries I replied and entered the text. Barb had saved us two seats at her table and the others were already halfway through the meal. Glancing over my broiled fish, I saw HIM. The moto-dup driver that lives below me. Everything suddenly clicked. Instead of giving me my invitation, they had kept it and went in my place! It didn’t matter they didn’t know who was getting married the free flow of beer was the only important thing. Argh. Freakin’ Cambodian men. I was so mad; I wanted to walk up and beat the guy over the head with a beer can. But, I saved face and just smiled and ignored him.

At home later that night I had another surprise. I had eaten something bad and was running to the bathroom every hour. The next day Charles graciously brought me coconuts, oral rehydration salts and toilet paper. Around 2 he took me to the doctor who said I had food poisoning and then gave me three different anti-parasite medications to take every 7 hours. The next day I was feeling better so I went to work to read emails. I had discovered my books for my online anthropology class hadn’t been mailed until December 29; Carrie’s parents (my curriers) arrived in Cambodia on the same day. After tracking down my books in Pennsylvania, remembering Joe is visiting next week and emailing all my MCC contacts about bringing three pounds of reading materials, I think I found a way to get the books here. Unfortunately the whole route (books get delivered, Carrie’s brother picks up books and takes them to Akron or Joe’s house all in less than 24 hours) seemed a little impossible.

I’m not one to sit around and read my Bible. I never have been, though I’m sure there were people in high school who thought I did that. However, New Year’s Eve, I found a verse that will carry me through this next year. My devotions that night was based on Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, a section of text I’m rather familiar with. However, reading over it once more reminded me that there’s never a time to fear. There’s so many unknowns in life, maybe some extra unknowns living in Cambodia, but there’s never any reason to fear them. Flipping through the pages I ran across Psalms 127: 2. That night, not celebrating the beginning of a new year, but rather focusing on all the things that may not happen reading “it is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved” resonated with me. How many times had I forsaken sleep for what I thought would fill me and give me comfort. I thought of the summer I worked two jobs, spending 14 hours a day earning money and never being rested. I thought of the anxiety I have for the upcoming year and how uncertain my future is. Yet, none of that mattered. That night I slept peacefully, worry free. There was nothing more I could do; God could take care of it through the night, as I slept, on the other side of the world.

And yes, my books did arrive.

Some Highlights

Christmas Eve.

I woke up this morning and refused to eat rice and pork. I biked to a local convenience store to buy yogurt. Now I’m sitting in a air conditioned cafe drinking a frappacino. Not quite Prey Veng. However, Prey Veng is an amazing place; here’s just some highlights from the past year.



Tasty Tea.



Fun at the office.




More fun at the office.






Christmas Kittens that randomly appeared in my bedroom though I still miss Cricket and Spot.




Good times with friends



A trip to the States and and different century.


Birthday surprises.




Barb with her new puppy Puzzle


Christmas, Khmer style.




PV market




Boat Trips to Angkeardei Primary School with eels in the boat.




Rainbows over Phnom Penh after a massive rain.


Chili Peppers!




American BBQs









Verdant rice paddies




Incredible sunsets





Merry Christmas!



As I’m looking forward, uncertainties lie everywhere. I only have about 8 months left in Cambodia. I want to cherish my time left in this tropical, eastern land, yet I anxiously await news about my future. Transition unsettles me. Though, Cambodia has taught me to embrace the rough parts, the waiting, the unknown. Cambodia has taught me to relax and consciously be aware of the chirping birds, loud horns, cool breezes, and computers that spontaneously break. Nothing is certain; perhaps that’s why faith is so important to me. Then again, it’s probably also why faith frustrates me so much.

Back in Cambodia

Today is two and a half weeks of being back in Cambodia. In a way it feels like I never left. In a different way, I don’t want to be back. Please don’t get me wrong, I truly do love Cambodia and my work isn’t finished here yet. Two years would have been too short and I wasn’t ready to stay in the States, at least not when I left Cambodia. But, man, when I was there, I wanted to stay. It was truly a glorious trip to the homeland, perhaps that’s why it was so hard for me to leave.

During orientation, all the single women met together to discuss issues that could arise during our terms and brainstormed constructive ways we could deal with them. This group of half a dozen women discussed many things-men, cultural assumptions, freedoms- yet we never once talked about loneliness. After living here for two years, I definitely have struggled with loneliness more than I ever thought possible. I’ve found out that despite being an introvert, I hate living by myself. It’s hard to engage the community around me because the people here don’t know what to do with me. I’m an anomaly to them; not being married, working in a small town with men, not having children, and being ok with that at this point in my life. Some day I’d like to be married with maybe a kid or two, but, according to Cambodian standards, I’m past my prime.

I’m starting to enter a transition time again. Though I’m still months away from leaving, I am looking at returning back to the States. I’ve started to prepare for my departure already by applying to grad schools and seeing where I move to. Unfortunately, I won’t know where I’m accepted for another couple of months. I hate this not knowing time, being proactive and responsible, yet still being anxious about the future, because frankly, I don’t know what will happen. And I want to know.

So, yeah, basically I’m not in a good place right now.

Thailand having a coup hasn’t helped things either. Rioters took over the Bangkok airport. Since all Cambodia mail goes through the Bangkok airport, aside from things sent via Fed-Ex, I haven’t gotten mail in about 3 weeks. But since last week, there was a cease-fire and cargo planes have started running again. Next week the airport opens for passengers. Of all the countries in SE Asia, I thought Cambodia would have coup, not Thailand. According to the 2007 Global Corruption Report by Transparency International, Cambodia is ranked 17th most corrupt country in the world, the third in Asia after Myanmar and Laos. Thailand ranks 87th most corrupt. Interesting...

Veteran's Day

November 11. Veteran’s Day.

My dad is a veteran. He served in the Navy from 1972 to 1975. Yup, during the Vietnam War. He was stationed in Scotland repairing submarines. Growing up, I heard him say it was the best years of his life. And why shouldn’t it be? A chance to learn a trade, see parts of the world he never would have, and have all your expenses paid for. However, he was ostracized because he wore a uniform. The stigma of the Vietnam War caused all military personnel to be personally responsible for what happened in Southeast Asia.

I live in Southeast Asia. I have never before met more generous people.

At church on Sunday, there was a tribute to all veterans. When the regiment’s anthem was played, each soldier stood to be recognized. My dad stood. I was bewildered. What is this world that I’m a part of?

I believe in humanity. People. Life.

I come from a community that looks up to their military; I will always look up to my dad. However, I don’t believe in the military. There is a disconnect between my two worlds.

Blessed are the peacemakers. Peacemakers. What a loaded word. Can peace really be created on earth? When the Prince of Peace came, didn’t he just bring more conflict and trouble to the world? The Christianity I grew up in is violent. It’s destructive, painful, and narrow-minded. I never thought a belief system I so cherished could hold so much pain and suffering.

I am still the daughter of a navy veteran. I still claim to be a Christian. Yet, in recent years, I’ve found my beliefs aligning themselves with the peace teachings of Jesus. Though theology doesn’t thrill me and I only have limited knowledge, I believe Jesus called us to be peacemakers. He called me to be actively moving towards a more peaceful life. Unfortunately, I’ve found when Jesus starts tugging at me, there’s no limit to where I could end up.

So how do I say I am the pacifist daughter of a veteran? I can’t imagine what those who are and have been part of the United States military have gone through. Their experiences are real and are valuable and I don’t want to undermine them. I understand where they come from; I came from the same place. Yet, my faith journey has taken me to a different place.

But is this place so different? Fundamentally, it’s the same place; we still believe in the same God. Our interpretation is just different. My former leader in Cambodia once said it’s not always the solution that matters, but the act of wrestling with an issue. When we contemplate injustice, views, and interpretations, we grow and broaden our horizons. When we struggle, we allow God to work in us. As I struggle with my views on the military, I allow God to work on my views and my, sometimes harsh, interpretations.

2 years

Yesterday, October 16, marked two years with MCC. I celebrated with Charles, Amy, and Scott at the Kiwi Bakery. Two weeks from today I'll be sitting in Orange County, Virginia. I'll be eating dinner with my family, just like I never left. Two days ago I freaked out; I realized I'm really leaving Prey Veng for six weeks. One week from tomorrow is the GRE. I need calm and serenity, not the turmolt that currently churns my heart. I claim to be a pacifist, but how can I create peace in the world when so many opposing emotions bubble unconciously to the surface?

Another Post

Recently while reading other’s blogs I have been challenged. As I found by reading other MCCer’s blogs, I think we all have struggles with the inconsistencies between our lives and those around us, whether with living arrangements, foods consumed, or the availability of purchasing consumer goods. I believe my fellow MCC collegues have struggled with this issue and come to the same conclusion; we are not in control nor should we attempt to control the world around us or the inconsistencies we see each day. There’s this delicate balance in the world. However, I feel I have personally just shut down instead of being challenged and invigorated to overcome these issues. And as you can see from the lack of my posting lately, I haven’t had much time to reflect.

Now I have been busy so I could blame not planning time for reflection on my hectic schedule or on constantly traveling or sharing computers in the office or being distracted by Facebook or weddings or friends visiting or ... the list could go on and on. As I look at my work here, I’m afraid I’m not very encouraged either. I was talking with WPM’s former adviser a couple weeks ago. Elijah is back in Cambodia for his wedding to Sina on Saturday. We were catching up and talking about WPM and I mentioned how I wrote as my main goal for the year is to have WPM continue to exist after 2008. Elijah nodded his head knowingly and said he often felt the same way. argh. If he felt this way two years ago and now I’m dealing with the same frustrations, is WPM ever going to find stable funding and cut down on their travel costs? Sometimes I wonder.

But I don’t always see results. And I want to! But at the same time I’m not willing to invest myself in Cambodia for a decade or longer to see those much coveted results others like Barb or Bee Nogh or Susie have seen that I haven’t. Where’s the balance? I surely can’t continue like I’ve been for the past couple of months as a sieve catching hardly anything that I am exposed to while simply watching everything else filter though. I’m getting restless again.

Have I gotten too comfortable here that I’ve desensitized myself? Or have I been living in survival mode for the past year and a half? Or is it something in between the two that I haven’t quite placed my finger on yet?

I don’t like doing something just to do it; busywork drives me nuts. I need to be working towards something that will have a tangible result for the better good as a whole. If I see myself still in when I should be moving I get extremely frustrated. Perhaps part of my problem is that I get restless when I feel like I’m just going through the motions of life. But as Gandhi reminds me “It’s the action, not the fruit of the action, that’s important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there’ll be any fruit. But that doesn’t mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.”

A wonderful birthday

This is the third time I've written this...my flash disk broke and one of the computers at the office is crap.

So....

I had a wonderful visit with my mom who was here the end of March. We were able to visit Prey Veng Saturday through Monday and then do some stuff together in Phnom Penh. She came with a medical team that held clinics in and around the capital for the week that she was here; however, she had a strange reaction/rash for part of the trip, so she stayed with me. Personally I think the rash was a blessing in disguise as I was able to spend the entire time with my mom and relax.

Showing my daily life to someone fresh from North America was exciting, yet challenging. I'm comfortable with my life here, but it does lack previous comforts that I used to expect- air conditioning, screens, personal cars, temperature controlled markets where the meat comes in Styrofoam packages and is clearly labeled with ingredients and price. I love the fresh, outdoor markets where women call and entice you to purchase their goods and you can smell the fruits as you walk by, but I think my mom didn't like the pig heads or racks of acrid beef.

One of the highlights of her visit was meeting my host family. When we arrived at my host family's house, they all ran in front of the house to meet us. I introduced my host mom to my mom as "Khmer mom meet American mom" and they both just smiled. Buntha, my host dad, was especially glad my host mom came to meet them. We had a wonderful talk and then went around to see the mango and papaya trees as well as the rice paddy in the back and other vegetables that they grow. Afterwards, my host mom gave us a bag full of mangoes to take back to my house.

Sunday we went to the Easter service at my church in PV. It was a lovely service and afterwards we shared beef curry and chicken cabbage salad together. That afternoon I had a tea for all of the various expats in Prey Veng could come meet my mom and eat chocolate. I figured that way my mom could meet the people I talk about in emails and she could get to know they a bit better. That night, however, she was starting to get her fill of bugs and heat. Her rash started to show up and she was getting miserable.

Tuesday was my birthday and I had the best present I could ask for! As my mom's rash was still pretty bad, we were advised to stay in PP near the air conditioning because the group was going 40 kilometers into Kandal Province (to the southeast of PP, on the way to Prey Veng). We spent the morning in ac comfort watching Animal Planet and Mythbusters. Midmorning we visit Rehab Craft, a fair trade store that Carrie works with, to buy some silk purses and gifts for people back home. Afterwards we went to lunch at Java Cafe where I was able to get a blueberry smoothie. (Yes, blueberry smoothies are available in Cambodia. At only $3 a pop, you can have one too! But with a personal allowance of $66 a month, this rarely happens.) Afterwards we returned to the hotel and I went to MCC to check my email and mailbox which was full of letters from lovely friends! That evening I invited Amy, Carrie, and Lauren up to KFC for dinner. My mom and I were feeling lazy and didn't want to go far, and the rest of us wanted an excuse to have KFC!

Wednesday we also stayed near the hotel and visited the central market. Thursday was the group's free day and we visited Toul Sleng in the morning along with a quick trip to the Russian Market. Toul Sleng was a high school before the Khmer Rouge. In 1975 when Pol Pot came into power, it was transformed into an interrogation/torture center. After the desired information was extracted, the victims were taken to Choeung Ek, or the Killing Fields. Now it is a museum to commemorate those who suffered. This past Tuesday I was talking to Gunthia about the Khmer Rouge. She said she did believe the genocide happened (some Cambodians don't believe this happened and blame it on the Vietnamese) as her mother told her stories of her family being split up and family ties being broken down. Her mother didn't have enough to eat and was forced to work in the rice fields.

Friday was another free day and I enjoyed spending it with both my mom and my uncle, Curtis, who came along. I was able to take them to one of my favorite restaurants in Phnom Penh, Khmer Restaurant, for lunch and then we wandered around the Central Market and Sorya for a while and bought ice cream. I ate a lot of ice cream while they were here. That evening Amy met us at the airport as I said goodbye. I was really thankful for the visit and it was quite wonderful.

Now however, I need to refocus on work, which is a little difficult. Khmer New Year is next week so we get 3 days off. I'm going to Siem Reap (to see Angkor Wat) and Rattanankiri with friends. A week and a half later, I'm going to Laos on the MCC Southeast Asia retreat. A week after I return from Laos is the King's birthday it's another 3 day holiday. So, even though I won't be working, I'll definitely be busy over the next month or two.

Times are a-changing...

Tela is open!!! A Tela mart opened in Prey Veng two weeks ago and it's amazing. The closest comparrison I can think of is a 7-11 without the slurpies. Ah slurpies...Anyway, they do have ice cream, lovely, cold, refreshing mocha chip ice cream. I never thought I'd sit in my house in Prey Veng and eat ice cream. It's also the one public place in town that has air conditioning and with the hot season officially starting Sunday, March 09, that's welcomed news. While I'm super excited about Tela, this new store has changed Prey Veng. I suddenly feel my experience in PV is not quite as rustic as it was, or even should be. I think back to my life a year ago when I thought there was no way Cambodia could get hotter (it certainly did) and struggled with living with my host family and a lack of direction on where to even how to start my assignment here. The dusty roads seemed unchanged for years, yet progress has come and I now can point out new houses that have been built or new developments. The road between PP and PV has greatly improved-each bridge is in and half the road is paved, though Friday when I came back, the road was a muddy slosh pit. Some developments are so swift, yet some things seem they never change.

Like Khmer men. I have decided they never change and as the token white girl I have (too much) experience. Dani, a young woman who attend my church and works at the youth center, got married two weeks ago. I attended her wedding and then the reception in the evening. I decided to go to a shop and get my hair and makeup done since some of my friends had been asked me to. I also decided since this was my first rural wedding, I should experience it as much as I could. Dinner was fine as I sat with Scott, Charles, Gunthia (the first teacher) and her fiancé. At one point while we were eating, Soperak, the pastor, came over, said he didn't recognize me and then mumbled something about a second wife. (Polygomy isn't practiced here though it's normal for men to have a song-sa, or girlfriend, in addition to a wife. Usually it's hush-hush.) Later when the dancing started I would only dance with girls. One wonderful thing about Asian culture is that girls do stuff with girls and guy with guys. This includes dancing, touching, etc and it's not seen as strange. When a guy would ask me to dance I simply said no and went off with Gunthia (the second teacher). However, there was this one man who asked me to dance. I replied "I only dance with women." He said, "Oh, but I'm a woman!" Clearly you're not.

It gets better. Last Thursday I went into PP to meet with WPM about some things. I returned Friday morning for my language lesson. While on the ferry a young man came up to me, flipped out his camera phone, 'click' and walked away. He said nothing to me. About 5 minutes later when I got another taxi on the other side of the ferry the same thing happened. A group of taxi drivers/ random men got another phone and took my picture. Khmer men annoy me. They could at least have asked before they took the picture..

Saturday was the opening for Love Cambodia. LC is a NGO Scott has been working with and they celebrated becoming an official NGO as they registered with the Ministry of Interior a couple months ago. The ceremony was nice and I got a free t-shirt. Lunch was surprisingly tasty and Charles, Sam, Rob and I had a wonderful discussion on the Democratic race. I always love the different view I get when I am overseas during a presidential race.

The next couple of weeks are going to be busy. Next weekend is the MCC staff trip to Kompong Som, the beach. My mom and Uncle Curtis arrive in Cambodia on March 20. I'm excited my mom will be able to visit PV and see a glimpse of my life here. She'll also get to see the Easter program at my church and celebrate my birthday with me. My mom will only be here for a little over a week, but I'm glad she'll at least understand the place where I've invested my life for three years.

So what are the rules?

Last Saturday I paid off the police for the first time. Amy and I were on our way to Carrie's house after shopping at the Central Market and I was taking back roads in an effort to get to an intersection with Monivong that doesn't have a cement barrier in the center. However, I still couldn't cross so I went north again and wanted to turn left onto Monireith to go back towards the southwest part of town. I could have made an illegal U-turn but I saw the sign and the police at the intersection so I turned left instead. But as soon as I got through the intersection, the police flagged me over. Then the police said I didn't have a license plate-I was driving the newly purchased moto- but there was a piece of paper on the front fender with the required information so that wasn't a problem. But the policeman kept saying I made a wrong turn so I called Chylong, let them talk and then was outraged I had to pay 5000 riel instead of the normal 2000 riel. (~4000=$1) Anyway, I paid off the policeman after arguing with him for about 5 minutes and then drove away. I didn't even get a ticket. Personally, I'm surprised this hasn't happened before now; the traffic rules here are rather fluid and not always stated enforced equally.
While the policeman was talking Chylong on my phone, another policeman tried to pull over another moto. However, the driver simply kicked the policeman and drove off. How do you change the mass's opinion of embracing laws and acknowledging when they broke them?
On a different note, Sreimom, the Administrative Assistant in the Phnom Penh office, got married on Sunday. I drove the truck to the reception along with 7 other women in the cab. The wedding was fun and some of us danced after the meal. Sreimom looked beautiful and we all met her husband.
Work wise, I have been writing lots of reports. The fiscal year for MCC is March through February and planning for 2008-2009 is in two weeks. Since RADE is a new partner I have been writing alot of reports for them as well as updating the old WPM file. WPM is still looking for donors for this year and so far nothing is guaranteed beyond MCC.
And two months till my mom is here!

Merry Christmas

Celebrating Christmas in a Buddhist country is, well, interesting. Last year Christmas didn’t feel like Christmas, mainly because I missed all the commercialization that goes along with the holiday. I love it when I hear nothing but carols for a full month and see decorations everywhere and enjoy hot spiced cider and cookies on a chilly evening while wrapped up in a blanket. But that’s not what makes it Christmas.

Last year my brother recorded my grandfather reading the Christmas story and mailed the CD to me; I knew I’d miss that the most. I love living here, though during the holidays I do miss my family. But, when else could I eat basmati rice and garlic naan for Christmas Eve? Before my grandfather read the Bible, he gave a little talk and what struck me the most was his comment about “Christmas (being) a gift of love.” Though I don't have much experience in matters of love, I'm learning that to love is to let go. God had to let go of his son Jesus to save the rest of us. I'm learning to let go of my time, personal desires, and own comfort in exchange for others.

Last year I spent Christmas at the beach; this year I celebrated in Phnom Penh. I attended two Christmas celebrations-the first at Amy’s host family’s house church where her youngest sister was dressed up as Santa and we sang Joy to the World with an irregular melody. The second was at an international church service with the traditional English carols. (I just got a package from my Aunt Gail with peach tea -on the 26th-…yum!) Both were lovely services.

Christmas eve I went on an international progressive dinner with several of my MCC friends. We started at a Thai restaurant for appetizers, continued with an Indian main course and finished with French mousse. Absolutely delicious! The girls went to Carrie’s house to watch Elf and sleep over afterwards. Christmas morning we had a big western breakfast and then opened the gifts from our Secret Santa. Later in the day a bunch of us went for massages. And afterwards I even got a hot shower!

And for Christmas this year I somehow I got the disease that keeps on giving. Apparently the very, very last symptom of dengue fever is your hair falls out approximately six months after the initial attack. Very strange. And I'm battling parasites. :) But I do believe I'll win this fight with some help from metronidazole.

As I sit here on the last night of the year writing, listening to four part harmony hymns, reflecting on the past year and a bit, I realize I'm blessed. Yes I miss my family and friends, blueberries, and familiar traditions, I couldn't ask for more. Except another amazing year in Cambodia!

i'm still here...

As you may know, I have recently signed up for Facebook...and I'm addicted. It's so amazing how easy I can contact my friends from America or who I went to school with. It's so great to keep in touch with people I haven't seen for a year, but I also had a scary realization. But that's not really my excuse for not posting in 2 months. And the real excuse eludes me...

I knew things at home would change while I was off on my adventure in Cambodia. But I didn't take into account how much I would change. Granted I knew I would change because how can you not change when you invest yourself in the lives of people here? Surely this challenge of living in limbo between two countries was no different than any other balancing act I've done in my life. But the fact is, I look forward to Sunday afternoons when the youth group (anyone over 14 and unmarried...the oldest person is 26 or 27) meets for a short devotional, singing and playing silly games. And, those who lose usually have to embarrass themselves by dancing for the others. So far I've been able to understand enough of the instructions to avoid this. In only a year, I have left relationships from NA slide as I struggled to establish friendships here. And in two years, what will these relationships amount to? It will be time for me to return to my birth country and once again leave the life I knew. But it's a life I can never live again. Friends marry, families move, and me, well, I'm falling for this country.

I can't believe a year has gone by already. Last year when I first saw the Khmer alphabet all I saw was pretty scribbles, but now I can read it and understand the meaning. The other changes are harder to describe. Never before in my life have a felt so content to be where I currently am and not yearning for something different. Yet, never before have I missed my family and friends in America so much.

Last weekend was the Water Festival. Last year when I first arrived it was the Water Festival, so I didn't remember much other than walking around and being extremely thirsty because I didn't have any riel to buy a drink. This year was much better, for one because it's been so cool, in the 70s. I even have to use a blanket at night! The Water Festival celebrates the end of the monsoon season and be beginning of the dry season. Held in Phnom Penh on the Tonle Sap, there are boat races and in the evening florescent floats. I skipped the races as we had a Thanksgiving meal at MCC and then I was too interested in scrabble instead. In the evening Amy and I went to see the floats...and the throngs of people. The roads were blocked off near the waterfront so we had to walk several blocks just get to the water. After walking around and seeing each of the government sponsored floats, we found a bench to sit down while I enjoyed an ear of corn, and Amy ate a dumpling. And later as we were preparing to leave, we stopped for ice cream. Ah, ice cream-it's one of my indulgences in the capital.

Our monthly team meeting is going to be held in Prey Veng later this week. So far, this is the second time we've convinced the PP MCCers to come out. It should be interesting; seven girls will be staying at my house!

I'm now on Facebook! Yes, I know I'm slow at these things, but at least I've jumped on the bandwagon now. And I'm slowly finding my friends, or they are finding me...like my former neighbor Val. The internet is amazing!

It's now official!

Exactly ten months to the day I arrived in Cambodia, I was made the official partner advisor to Women Peacemakers, WPM. WPM is a local NGO that works with various peace/ nonviolence issues by holding trainings to educate local villagers to work through conflict to find a peaceful solution. Last month I attended a training in Dombar District, Kompong Cham province ( north of PV). The two days that I observed were on women's/child's rights, rape, and trafficking. Sona, the director and main presenter, was amazing in her teaching method. They kept asking the participants questions and if they understood. They also divided the larger group into smaller groups for discussion and group work. This is something that's not really done in the education system here, but it helped the participants to learn the material. On the last day of the 5 day training, a test is given to see how much material was mastered. Those who score the highest are then invited to attend the Conflict Resolution Training.

Those two days where very helpful in the transition between MCC advisors and for me to grasp a better understanding of what WPM does. I must admit that I was first excited about being part of a newly developing program so I didn't have to fill someone else's shoes. Well, as it turns out, MCC started working with WPM four years ago when Elijah Penner arrived, who is basically the poster child for MCC Cambodia. But one night during dinner, Mony was excited that I really liked the soup made with pork, trakoun, and prahok (rotten fish paste). She announced I liked prahok, but Elijah does not. We also had some good conversations, despite my lack of knowledge in law vocabulary in Khmer. I also enjoyed hanging out with some amazing, motivated Khmer women and talk about something other than how white my skin is or babies. The whole experience calmed some of my fears about situation. For one thing, I live in PV, not PP where the WPM office is, so most of the communication is happening over email or phone. (I now can have a conversation in Khmer over the phone and actually understand! I never understood how much easier it is to speak face to face before.)

Andrea left about two weeks ago. Before her term finished she wanted to go get pictures taken so I said I'd go with her. We certainly do look like barbies don't we?

Last Thursday I went to visit Barb's family again, this time spending the night. Her mother-in-law is so sweet. Barb and I went walking in the rice paddy and her mom decided to follow us and was pointing out all the herbs and leaves they use to make soups and sauces. It's so beautiful. It's the same village where Gunthia, the young women I'm learning to read and write Khmer from, got a job. She passed her teaching exams and she'll be leaving later this month since school starts October 1st. It takes about an hour and a half to get to the district, Kanhchriech. So I'm looking for another Khmer teacher. Gunthia told me she knew of someone else who could help me, but I'm still disappointed to see her leave. I might still see her at church on Sundays if she decides to come visit her parents or fiancé; she got engaged last week.

About a week ago MCC PV decided to hire some permanent staff. Before we only had temporary translators helping us with some surveys as needed, but now we hired Sophal in a more permanent office position. Last year he was part of the IVEP program and guess where he lived? Waynesboro, PA! Can you believe it? (It's the same town where my grandma lives and my other extended family lives about 10 minutes away.) I can't believe there was a Cambodian so close and I didn't even know it. Anyway, he had a very good experience and was looking for a job. I met him at the IVEP reentry lunch we had at the office in PP and things grew from there. So below is a picture of MCC Cambodia, Prey Veng. (L to R, bottom- me, Sophal, Sopheak, Charles, top- Scott, Dani, Pao)

It's been a while. . .

Written July 7th

Another month has passed. The rainy season has been coming full force; almost every day there has been a downpour. I no longer live on a dirt road, but the potholes still make going anywhere an obstacle course. The other day I took a shortcut to the internet shop, but the road was nothing more than a mud pit. The market is a mess. I come back with my purchases and my legs and pants are polka dotted with brown spots. And the rainy season has only just begun!

And speaking of the market, I now only go two or three times a week...I have a fridge! And a real oven. The Graber-Neufelds left Cambodia a little over a week ago and I adopted their oven and Barb got a new fridge so I purchased hers. Last week I was standing on my porch drinking a cold glass of water. I have never appreciated cold water so much before.

I visited Dhammyhatara, an NGO that works with patients with terminal illnesses-mainly AIDS and cancer, with Sherry about two weeks ago. This organization works in Banteay Mancheay, the northeastern province next to Thailand. Mainly they provide home visits to patients so check up on their progress and deliver more medicine as needed. Also, DYBM works with the local hospital, mainly in the pediatric clinic where dengue has been really bad this year. Within the past year a new hospital has been built with donations from Japan. Wow, that places does not even compare to the referral hospital in PV. Sherry, Arlis (head of DYMB), and I got a tour from the head surgeon.

On our way back to PP, Sherry and I stopped at the Emergency Hospital in Battambong to visit a burn victim, Chean Vin, who Sherry met back in December. He was an illegal migrant working in Thailand and while working was spilt with chemicals. His work buddies took him to the hospital and left him, but he was brought back to Cambodia. His father has since remarried and his new wife no longer wants to care for this son from a previous marriage. (Stepchildren are often banished from an immediate family and sent to grandparents or other relatives.) Last December when Sherry met this man, he was laying on a cot with oozing wounds and contorted limbs. DYMB decided to help and sent him to a hospital in PP, but since he was malnourished they couldn't help him, so he was sent back to Battambong to the Emergency Hospital. The dilemma when we visited was that his father didn't want to stay at the hospital and care for him; he wanted to return to his wife and other kids in Mongkol Borei. The hospital structure here is so different from the States. Families still care for their sick one in the hospital by providing food/ feeding, fanning them, bathing them, etc. The nurses will change their wounds but the patient is still dependant upon their family. But when the family is taking care of them, they are not working and losing money for rest of their family. So, basically an injury is a compounded problem. For this young man, 21, his whole life is changed. Due to lack of immediate attention, his limbs contorted and now he needs physical therapy. And I stand here and watch and wonder what I can do.

So, what am I doing? I complain I don't have a partner organization yet, but we, as the PV unit, are taking steps towards that. We have started to interview translators and have started surveying local NGOs in PV province. But the work is slow. Life here is slow and you meander your way through. Khmer aren't very direct people, perhaps that's part of it. I feel I can't explain how life here is; you have to experience it to understand it. I think back to college where I used every minute to its fullest and went weeks without enough sleep. I'm not as 'busy' here, but I'm not bored.

Amy left today. But she'll be back in two months; I'll still miss her though. The next two months will be a time of change as the Sandovals leave and three new SALTers arrive and two new families and another single woman.

I still love getting emails. Life in America still goes on too.

July 30, 2007

Well, the goal was to post the previous post at the beginning of the month but the past few weeks have taken a path I did not expect. For those of you who don't know, which means you're not in direct contact with my mother, I had dengue fever. And as being my first major tropical illness, it wasn't fun. But it wasn't so bad either. The worst point was on the second day when I was dehydrated and it took the nurses 5 times to get an IV in my arm at the clinic.

For those of you who want details, I'll list a summary of my dengue experience! I woke up on Thursday July 12 with a headache. I rarely get headaches, but it wasn't that bad, so I went to the market and the internet shop. But by the time I got to the internet shop, I knew something wasn't right and left without checking my email. I went to the office and laid down for a bit. Then the next hour consisted of trying to get Scott's attention, who was reading the newspaper on the porch, and tell him to go buy a thermometer. Needless to say my temperature was around 39 C and we called Nurse Sherry to see what she thought. She said not to worry until it get around 40C (104 F), so I went home. Scott and Charles stocked me with coconuts and blankets (I was freezing in 90 F weather) and decided I shouldn't be alone. They also called Barb, another expat who has lived in PV for 12 years and is a midwife, and she came and said yup, it's dengue. Barb then saw my cat and asked if she had a recent bowel movement and how she was doing. Never mind that I have dengue, Cricket is the important one!

Crystal, Charles's girlfriend, was visiting that week and was staying with me. I'm so thankful she was here and could spend that night with me. I slept ok, but was starting to get dehydrated. The next morning Scott brought a taxi to my house and along with Crystal we went to PP. The trip was dreadful. There's been road construction on the road between Neak Leoung and Phnom Penh for the past 8 months. And the car didn't have air conditioning. And I hurt everywhere. But we got to PP and I got to see the doctor. And then they decided to admit me...for five days. And here is when the ÏV got put in. About day 5 my fever broke and I was no longer dehydrated. My headache went away around day 6 when the rash appeared.

Sherry was amazing through everything. Cambodia has the best CRs ever! Food isn't provided in clinics here so she brought me fruit to entice my appetite, which was completely non-existent for about 6 days, coconuts, drinks, and even spent two nights in the bed beside mine in the clinic for moral support. After I got out of the clinic the Groffs let me stay at their house for another 6 days until I felt strong enough to come back to Prey Veng.

The strange thing about it is, is that I'm still recovering. I have heard anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks for full recovery and they weren't joking. I feel fine and look normal again, but I tire so easily and my energy is zapped by lunchtime. My liver is still functioning at a high level and my last blood tests showed my platelets were still low. But I'm taking it easy and going slow. And since there are four strains of dengue, I am determined not to get it again. Just because I won the prize for being the first PV member to get dengue (we had a joke that I would be the first one to get it since mosquitoes love me anyway) does not mean I'll get it again.

Friday when I went into PP for a partnership meeting at MCC, I tried to talk to the young mother sitting across the aisle from me on the bus. She said he son had dengue and that it was really bad this year. I said I just had dengue and she turned to me and said no you don't have it! Most Cambodians believe only children can get dengue. For someone who grows up here, most people do have it as a child and don't get it again. So when a foreigner says she just had dengue and there is no more rash; they don't believe her. And dengue has been really bad this year. More children have died so far this year than all the cases resulting in death from last year.

Pictures!

I figured out how to post pictures now! So this is Andrea, Seiha, Amy, and me at Bokor Mountain from a couple of months ago. All of MCC, national staff and expats, went Kompong Som, the beach, this past weekend for a retreat. I'll try to get some pictures of that up too. It was so relaxing after the day I had on Thursday! Nothing like playing frizbee in the ocean!

Well, last Thursday is a day I will not forget soon! Seiha came out on Wednesday to go with us on Thursday to do the ODI, organization development inventory, at ODOV, a NGO that MCC supports in Mesang.

At 5 am Scott texts me. Unfortunately, I am still sound asleep. He calls me around 5:15, to which I hang up because there is no answer after the first two hellos. But know Scott is not a morning person at all, I read his text, realize he’s been up all night sick and he wants to go to Phnom Penh, instead of ODOV. So I call him back decided he needs a cyclo to take him to the taxi station and that Charles, Seiha, and I will do the ODI. Around 6 I go to the market, pick up a cyclo and take him to Scott’s house and get the laptop to take to Mesang. I then return to my house, tell my landlady I’ll be gone for the weekend, and leave with Seiha.

Seiha and I are riding our bikes to the office, but at the end of my road, a moto runs straight into me. When I saw the moto he was not looking in front of him, rather I saw the side of his face. Even though I was heading for the side of the road, he overcompensated and crashed into me. Thankfully I only ended up with a brush burn on my right shin and a sore arm. I didn’t even fall over. However, my bike was smashed. The front tire was crooked and would no longer rotate upon its axis. Seiha flagged down a cyclo for me and we put my bike and me on it and met Charles at the office. Charles was still getting the taxi so we went to get coffee at the stand next to his house. But they only had ovaltine, no coffee.

We got to Mesang around 8am. We started the ODI and it went fairly smoothly. Seiha was an amazing translator and we were ahead of schedule when we stopped for lunch at noon. Around lunchtime Scott texted me saying he had a kidney stone. The afternoon also went well and we were done by 3:30. When we finished we were asking Sopheap when the taxi left tomorrow for Neak Leung. But he said there were no taxis. Either a moto-dup now or a moto-dup tomorrow morning. So, we (mainly Seiha missing her husband) decided to go to PP now instead of spending the night at ODOV as planned. Charles wasn’t feeling well, so he went back to Prey Veng. And he passed me on the way home, due to my creepy slow driver.

When the motos came about half an hour later we got on, me with Scott’s too big helmet, and off we went. While riding side saddle on a moto down the dusty dirt road, I was awestruck by this beautiful country I live in. Since the rains have started, the rice paddies are green again and the poofy white clouds were like big marshmallows floating in a sea of blue. There was a rainbow around the rim of one cloud, just faint enough to make it seem surreal. I truly live in a gorgeous place.

A little over halfway to Neak Leung, we passed a carnival sort of place by a small town. My moto driver then stopped, told me to get off, and promptly drove away. I was standing there, shocked, not believing that my moto just dumped me in the middle of the province! I tried to call Seiha but the network was busy. So I started walking. About a hundred feet ahead of me, Seiha had stopped and then I found out the back moto tire was flat. Why the driver was still riding it didn’t make sense to me. So we were standing there trying to get a new moto. But we either had to wait for both motos or share one. We decided to share a moto for rest of the way to Neak Leung.
Once we got to Neak Leung we immediately were approached by guy who said he had two seats on a taxi for us. Without buying a ticket, we ran on the ferry and got a taxi. Halfway through the ferry trip, our taxi driver said we’d go now instead of stopping for a fourth person in the back if we paid 5000 riel extra. We said go. And go he did. We were in PP in an hour. It usually takes an hour and a half.

I was hungry and wanted to buy a snack at the ferry but we didn’t have time. When Scott texted me and said he was eating dinner at the Groffs I asked for the leftovers to be sent to the office for me. I didn’t want to deal with finding food. Dinner was good and then I ended up talking to Scott for a long bit before turning in last night. Argh. I can’t believe one day could hold so much!

All of MCC is going on the national staff retreat tomorrow to Kompong Som, the beach, for 1 night. I’m not allowed near the wheels! I also drove the new moto for Prey Veng today and it’s awesome!

*Disclaimer-This is not a typical day in my life. A typical day is quiet, relaxed and not so tiring. However, travel here is still sketchy at best, as you can see!

And I live in a small town...

Yesterday, after Khmer lessons, Scott called me. He had my wallet. When he was at the market in the late morning, one of the boys from his homestay that he played soccer with gave him my wallet. Granted there was no money in it, but it did have all of my receipts and documents, so that's good. And it makes my finacial report a little easier.

I also didn't realize how much we, as white peole, stick out. I'm sure we're the daily entertainment for the whole town.

The past month I’ve done some pondering and questioning. I had my six month check in and still feel like things with work are progressing slowly. I can communicate well enough to get around and have some somewhat deep conversations with Gunthia, but being gone from Prey Veng almost 3 weeks hasn’t helped to strengthen my Khmer skills. I visited Women’s Peacemakers, a small Cambodian NGO, with Elijah a couple weeks ago. There is a possibility I will work with them starting in November when Elijah’s term ends. Women’s Peacemakers is based out of Phnom Penh, but does alot of grassroots peace seminars in Kampong Cham, the province north of PV. Participants in the seminars then return to their villages to teach others ways of peacemaking in situations of domestic violence or communal disputes. My involvement would be helping with grant writing and finding funds for workshops and other office support roles as well as visiting seminars periodically.

April 27 through May 1 was the MCC Southeast Asia retreat in Halong Bay, Vietnam. After the retreat I stayed in Hanoi till May 5 with Andrea, Amy, Elijah, Scott, and Renee (SALTer from Laos). In addition to the hot showers and air conditioning, the break was amazing. The theme at the retreat was storytelling with Earl Zimmerman as the speaker. His stories were fascinating as he was serving in southern Vietnam during the ‘American War’, as the Vietnamese refer to it. Yet, the whole time, I kept thinking this is the place my dad was avoiding during that time. (And no, he was not a conscientious objector.) Now thirty some years later his daughter is here and loves it. When we were in Hanoi, our group met up with the MCC Vietnamese staff for lunch and they took us to a delicious noodle shop. They were so welcoming and sincere; it was hard to image all the animosity from just a generation ago. Yet, I know the healing process is still continuing.

In Halong Bay we had a free day where we took a boat out on the water, explored some caves, had lunch and went swimming. The water was so salty you just floated. But when I jumped in the water with Nicole, I forgot to take off my glasses. So they have found a new home in the bottom of Halong Bay. I didn’t bring my contacts along, so for rest of the week I had no spectacles. Thank goodness my vision is not that poor; I could still enjoy going to some museums, seeing Ho Chi Minh, and exploring the Old Quarter. The water puppets were a little blurry but still enjoyable. I have since bought new glasses in PP, for a whopping $28. Yes, 28 dollars.

I went to Thailand the Friday after returning from Vietnam. So I spent two days in PV before returning to PP for the Partnership Meeting with Scott and his sister Cathy, who was visiting. Going on a second vacation within a week of returning from the first is not wise, but MCC has three days off due to the King’s Birthday so we wanted to take advantage of the time off. Amy, Andrea, Elijah and I went to Chiang Mai, in northern Thailand, for about 4 days with a day lay over in Bangkok each way. Friday we watched Spiderman 3 on the big screen and had just enough time to catch our overnight VIP bus to Chiang Mai.

At Seiha’s wedding in January we met some of her IVEP friends, one who happens to live in Chiang Mai and works at an orphanage. Oum helped set up some bus tickets for us and acted as our tour guide. We went to church with him, his fiancé Kat, and Jerome (IVEP from France now working at the orphanage) on Sunday and then the night market after an afternoon of playing Dutch blitz. On Monday I rode an elephant! After the elephant ride we hiked to a waterfall and went white water rafting. Oum took us out for dinner at a Suki soup restaurant. (You cook your own food over a charcoal fire and in the bottom you add water and make soup with veggies and meat juices.) Kat’s mother was at the same table as Andrea and me and kept refilling the pot and adding more meat to the fire. Andrea and I kept looking at each other wondering who was going to eat all this food! But she was being the good hostess and making sure we all had everything we needed. Tuesday we all went to an elephant show and had spicy noodles for lunch. Later we visited the Umbrella village where Thai paint handmade umbrellas and other decorative, traditional items.

Tuesday night we took the night bus back to Bangkok and it was hard and uncomfortable. We wanted to save money so we got the cheaper bus. In Bangkok we went to the Vimanmek Mansion, home to King Rama V of Thailand. It’s the largest teak wood mansion in the world and built in 1901. The King had close ties with European countries so the whole place had a very European feel, from the many gifts of china and paintings to the architecture. It was beautiful though he only lived in it for about 5 years. After lunch we spent the afternoon sitting in air conditioning and talking. But the highlight for me was ice cream! They had Swenson’s ice cream all over Bangkok (also Subway, KFC, A&W, Burger King, McDonald’s- such things don’t exit in Cambodia). I got raspberry ice cream, my favorite, along with dark chocolate ice cream and a brownie. Ah, it was soooo good! After eating, we sat there for a while and I started thinking how my mom and I used to go to Ben and Jerry’s for ice cream and how nice it was to have real ice cream in air conditioning. Yet at the same time I missed my life in PV and almost felt guilty I was enjoying myself in Thailand after returning from Vietnam. My friends, landlady’s family, and host family see going to Phnom Penh as a big trip; for me to go to two countries within the same month seems a little extravagant. I did enjoy myself, but I don’t want to portray such an extravagant lifestyle, even if it’s not extravagant to me, and lose the common ground we have found so far. It’s feels like a difficult tightrope act.

Traveling alot also reminds me of home. During the night at the Bangkok airport, I was looking at the departures and pondering jumping on a plane to somewhere else. While I never would follow through with that, I still am missing home. My mom relayed the message that Rodney, an older man with cancer from my home church, passed away last week. I’m glad he’s not suffering anymore, but how are his wife, Betty, and his family doing? I’m not sure what I could do if I were in Virginia aside from expressing my sympathy and offering a hug. I missed my brother’s college graduation two weeks ago and just now received my invitation in the mail a couple days ago. I missed Mother’s Day. The strange thing is that I knew I would miss these things when I came, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with such things. But life goes on and I’m pretty sure these changes won’t really hit me until I return to America.

But the realities of life hit me here too. I lost my wallet this morning at the market. I went to buy some veggies after purchasing some eggs and putting my wallet away. When I went to get my money out, my wallet was gone. So I called Scott and then Charles came too, to give me some money to buy some fish for Cricket, my cat, and pay the bike lady. The hot season should be over sometime soon, but it's still hot. Whenever it rains it cools off, but then everything turns into a big mud pit.

I'm moving!

Wednesday I move out of my host family's house into a place of my own. It's so exciting to have my own space and be able to cook for myself again. I have made some Khmer meals for my host family, but it's not quite the same.

My new house is just two blocks from my host family's house. I'm renting the top level of a traditional Cambodian house; I'm living in the wooden part and the landlady and her family are living below in the cement half. There is a wonderful balcony that's covered in foliage and is perfect for sitting outside on cool evenings. There is a large living room, two bedrooms, a western bathroom (no squat toliet!) and a kitchen type room in the back. And I'm praying the snakes will stay away since I'm on the second floor. So far, I've had two snakes in my bedroom during my homestay. :( But my landlady does have a pet monkey so we'll see how he is. Oh, and he's on a chain, so don't worry about him stealing stuff.

Lately I've been amazed at how my perspective is changing. The Groffs are giving me their old icebox since I will not have a fridge and I'm so excited to have cold water to drink and a place to keep leftovers and dairy. Going to the market each day to buy 500 reil block of ice doesn't seem so bad after not even having an icebox for 4 months. At home, I couldn't image living withough a fridge. Since I've been in PP the past couple of days for meetings (and a hymn sing tonight) I've been packing up extra kitchen essentials from old MCCers. I thought all the extra stuff had been claimed already, but nope, there was still great stuff here. Yesterday, I was estatic a rolling pin was in the pile. A rolling pin, can you believe it? And a beautiful teapot. I felt like a kid in the candy store with such goodies.

Despite my eagerness to move out into my own place, I'm saddened at the thought of leaving my host family. When I told them I was moving out, their immediate reaction was that something was wrong and they started quizzing me. Is it the food? Is it our family? Do Larry and Sherry think you should move? Well, I lead them to believe the CRs wanted me to leave. It's so hard to explain that Americans like living alone in apartments and not with a family when they are in their twenties and unmarried. In this communal culture, hardly anyone lives alone.

However, I was struck by the graciousness extended to me from my host family. Since I'm not moving into my new house until Wednesday, I'm staying an extra week with my host family. I told them I'd pay them for the extra time day by day until I leave. But my host father, Buntha, told me not to worry about the money; he has already told his wife not to take anymore from me. He said he's not worried about money; friendship is more important. Frankly, that shocked me. It made me think they truly have grown to love me despite my power/wealth as a white person. By no means is my host family in a financial bind, but it was so refreshing to hear those words come out of his mouth. And prehaps I'm starting to move past the superficial relationship that is so common here to a last friendship with them. At least I hope I'm heading in this direction.

I've been meeting with a young woman named Gunthia for the past several weeks to practice Khmer. I met her at church and she's an English teacher, though she doesn't like to speak it. Through our meetings a friendship has developed, which has been an answer to prayer; ;it's not quite so lonely in PV. However, sometimes these meetings are rather difficult. One day she told me she wanted to go to university, but her parents don't believe in educating women, so she went to teacher school. She's concerned for her parents because they are not Christians. Last week we had a discussion on skin color. She told the truth rather bluntly-the whiter you are the better job and higher salary you earn. It's hard for me to reply to these remarks sometimes because, frankly, I have everything she's wanted. How do I go about encouraging her and impowering her in my responses? I don't understand the inequality and unfairness here. I doubt I'll ever understand it, but I'm still struggling with this.

Thanks to those of you who sent me birthday cards. It's nice getting mail, but if you're spending 84 cents to mail a cards, you could at least write something inside aside from your name. Nothing is going to be too boring; I'm excited about a rolling pin and the rain showers we had last week for pete's sake.

It's been a while since my last post for numerous reasons but mainly because I have been busy. Seiha's wedding was January 13, Charles's host sister's wedding was Jan. 20, I went to Mesang the following Tuesday and Wednesday and I have been arranging homestays for Scott, the new MCCer who arrived yesterday morning, and the two Goshen SSTers. Wow, I believe the poor grammer from my language teacher is starting to affect my writing; that sentence is way too long.

Seiha's wedding went well, aside from the fact my purse was stolen and had Andrea's house keys and my keys in it. I didn't understand all of the Khmer traditions, though it was helpful to have some people translating for me. The evening reception was fun complete with dancing and MCC group pictures. I didn't enjoy Charle's host sister's wedding as well; I had never met the bride or groom before that evening. Charles and I arrived too early and the night was not as enjoyable as we left shortly after eating.

Mesang, a district in Prey Veng provience, was a delightful trip. ODOV, Organization to Develop Our Villages, used to be MCC Mesang several years ago. About 3 years ago ODOV became its own organization separate from MCC. Charles and I visited with Ben who has been the advisor during his term. For the day I travelled via moto with a wonderful lady, Sorm Sarit, who is an overseer of the projects in the villages. We visited a fish farm, a couple vegetable farms, a village manager, and some chicken farmers. During the day she spoke slowly in Khmer so that I could understand her. Despite having some stomach problems, the day was wonderful and the people I met incrediable.

Amy, SALTer, and Sherry, CR, visited Prey Veng that Friday and Saturday. It was nice to show them around and have other white people to talk to. In addition, it was nice for Sherry to see a typical language class and brainstorm ways to improve since I am not learning the language as quickly as I anticipated. During their visit we looked at several potential homestays for Scott and the Goshen students. It appears that most of the families want girls, which is a problem since there are two boys and one girl. But that will be worked out soon. But in searching for homestays, I have found a young Khmer woman who comes to my house and practices Khmer with me in the afternoons. Her name is Guntia and attends the same church I do.

This past weekend I went camping with several MCCers, some Cambodians, and two other guys that Ben knew. We went to Kiriom National Park and hiked, played Dutch Blitz, and explored trails during the day and camped out in tents for the night. We even had hot dogs and smores! The Cambodians liked the hot dogs but weren't too keen on the smores. Personally, I think they are one of the best inventions from the west.

Over the past two weeks I have been going through somewhat of a slump. After returning from Mesang I discovered my youngest host brother had been entering my room and drinking yogurt I bought I PP. I told my host mother and she took care of situation. But now whenever we eat, my host brother eats two and three bowls of rice. Each time he asks for more rice he holds up his bowl, says "bai" (rice) and stares at me. My host family thinks it hilarious that a ten year old can eat so much yet the foreigner only eats one bowl of rice. Needless to say it's a joke in my family now that they are going to grow up big and strong and I'm not because I don't eat two bowls of rice. Apparently they don't notice that I'm bigger than any of them.

But the real reason I have been going through a low point is because I feel incrediably young, inexperienced, and vulnerable. I keep getting things stolen from me, like Amy's bike, Andrea's keys, or yogurt, and frankly, I am the youngest service worker at MCC and in most groups in Prey Veng. But I am starting to realize the amazing opportunity that MCC gave me. I am young and inexperienced but they accepted me for this position and told me to go for it. Most organizations wouldn't do that. And being vulnerable isn't such a bad thing; slowly I am learning how to form deep, meaningful relationships in somewhat superficial culture and how to relate to people I have little in common with.

Carol can sing....or not

Last night the most hilarious thing happened. My has siblings were once again watching karoke on TV when I realized I reconized the tune to a song. It was a Black Eyed Peas song, My Humps. So, I told them, I know this song in English. Well, they started talking and the next thing I know is that my host sister has switched the TV sound over to the stereo surround sound and has gotten out a microphone and plugged it in. She then restarts the song and tells me to sing in English! Of course I blush and say no. But my host mom and siblings think this is abosolutly the funniest thing they have ever seen, so they are just rolling with laughter. I must say, it was quite humerous. I think it was the first time I have laughed, I mean my-side-hurts-tears-in-my-eyes-laughed, since I have been here.

I caught another mouse in my room. So that's number three.

It's starting to get warm here again during the day. It wouldn't be so bad except for the humitity and lack of rain. And the fact that I live on a dirt road where there are just clouds of dust every afternoon.