This morning started like any other day...making tea, eating breakfast, biking to work, talking with Dani, checking email. But what was in my inbox was unexpected. A letter of unofficial acceptance to the Masters of Science in Nutrition program at Drexel University. Shaking, I called Charles and told him. I typed a garbled message to Christa. Soon I told my mom. Was this really happening?

Sunday at church we read Psalm 33. When I got to verse 18 I stopped reading. Does God really look out for those who trust him? I thought trusting God by coming to Cambodia, he would take care of what came after. But I was confused. What comes after a service term? I thought grad school, but the more I thought about it planting a fall garden seemed more enticing. I can grow spinach and kale. I can have productive results, concrete results. Secretly I knew trying to attend grad school this fall was probably unrealistic. I mean, returning to the States, seeing family and friends, moving to a new town, readjusting to American life, and starting school all within a span of less than a month? Perhaps a bit much. Even though I wasn't accepted, I felt a peace. More than anything I knew God brought me to Cambodia, he HAS to take care of what comes next. Amidst the disappointment, there was a quiet peace in my soul. I didn't know what was next...where the road was leading. Or even if I was on a road.

So, now I'm back on that road; I have a plan. The news couldn't have blindsided me more. But what of the other seven MCC Cambodia volunteers returning this year? The paths before them are just as unrecognizable as my path was, and in some ways, still is. How is it that out of the eight of us, God has chosen to give me a clear plan while the others don't? My faith isn't stronger; they have hoped in God's love as I have. We all have the same desires of meaningful reconnections, purpose filled work and safe places to tell our stories upon returning.

Perhaps a fitting prayer would be the same as the final verse - "May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." The same unfailing love that brings us through despair to awe of blessing.

A Prayer

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

-Thomas Merton