What now?

Classes started Monday. I enjoy them immensely, except for some minor confusion about my one class. It's a 500 level graduate class that is combined with a 300 level undergraduate class and my lab section meets before lecture. It's a bit confusing, but I think it will all work out.

I'm in Philly doing what I had wanted and planned on for so long...going to graduate school and working towards becoming a registered dietitian. But something is wrong. I don't seem to know who I am anymore. From a logical point of view, I understand the whole re-entry culture shock thing. I know my identity has comepletely changed with returning to America. I know I'm going through culture shock by moving to a city when I have lived my entire life in the country. I know I moved to a place where I didn't know anyone (I'm meeting new people every day).

Yet, there's still this innate fear that unsettles my soul, a fear that I'm no longer serving God. God took me to Cambodia and I had an amazing adventure serving Him. But I'm no longer doing that, so how do I continue to know I'm serving Him? Is grad school just a selfish desire that is distracting me from further bettering the world? There was no dramatic calling to study, just a path that was created for me.

When Jesus called his disciples he asked them to abandon everything - their families, jobs, reputations, social status, everything - to follow him. What have I abandoned? Hardly everything. Yes, in Cambodia I gave up some things, but I was able to return to a very similar life that I had led before. And now I seem to be baffled as to how to continue to serve God. And once more, I have this fear God will abandon me because I am no longer in Cambodia and am off pursing selfish desires. But that is totally ridiculous since He has said He'll never leave me.